2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
