i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
