It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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