my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
