Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize