Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
