I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
