And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
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Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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