yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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