I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
