If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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