just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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