I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
