He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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