Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
