I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
