the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
