I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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