Nicole vs. Life
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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