did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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