cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
