Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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