we're blogging at a bar
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
