im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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