I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
