Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
