We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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