Life is so much better after having sex.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
