The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So much Jack, so little girl.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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