i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
