people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
