yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
