My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
