I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
