he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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