The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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