if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
