Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
