and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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