Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
