wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
