Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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