Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
