she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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