She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
