I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
