Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
this is an emotional support booty call
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize