woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
