just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
