I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
zippers are such a cool invention
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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