she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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