Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
