yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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