we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
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I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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