I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
