addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
