apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This is classic penis vs brain.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
