Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
high people should be assigned attendants
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
