Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
