i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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