please come you make the beer taste better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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