Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Send help, water and tortillas.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
