You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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