it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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