dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
