I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
