I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
