Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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