Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize