Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
