On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
