I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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