I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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