I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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