exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
