i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
