Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
