I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
