The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
