I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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